Flying through life on twisted clouds!

Alright, you maybe wondering about the post from yesterday. Well, something happened and I'm not sure how to explain it. The circus girl appeared again. She began teasing me about how much of a worthless crap I am and that I killed innocent foxes and stuff. She made me feel really guilty and I was getting sick of it. So I tried cutting her with my sword which proved futile.

Then the entire environment changed and me and Vanya were standing on a tiny string. I couldn't see to the ground we were that high up and while I was shocked I tried to remain calm and keep balance.

Vanya was standing there, looking rather frightened as well but remaining on the string.

The circus girl flew up to us and laughed.

"Well now Céline, since you are unwilling to cooperate I'm gonna give you an ultimatum"

"What?"

"Well, it should be obvious. I'm gonna ask you to use your sword to strike down Vanya here"

"WHAT, NO" Vanya cried out.

"I'm not gonna do that"

"Why not?" The Reverie asked.

"I...I..." I stuttered "I love her"

Vanya looked at me with puppy dog eyes. This was the first time I had said that to her. Tears began flowing down her face.

"I love you too" she said and began walking to me. Which was a dangerous thing to do in this situation. Then all the sudden I could feel myself starting to move my body. Not on my own, but Reverie was obviously controlling me...or at least I think so.

I took out my sword and with one motion

cut

her

in

half

Q_Q

She fell down into the endless void below me, her parts flying next to each other until I could no longer see them.

"That was a cruel thing you did" The Reverie said, messing with my head again.

I had enough of this.
I jumped down.

Of course, given that I'm writing this blogpost I of course am alive if you can even call it that. But how I am is not a tale to be told today, not here. This blog is not right for it, its called Sweet Vapor. There's nothing sweet about life anymore and I think it won't be for a while now.

This is just the beginning.
Might as well be dead.

~Céline De Vos

Freaking out

OMG THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING, OH GOD!
OH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GODOH GOD OH GOD

Some moments of peace

It has been peaceful and actually today is the first day that things have appeared real again. Considering what Vanya told me, I became worried. When I woke up she was sleeping next to me soundly, as we had gone out on another date the day prior.

I'm thinking of getting her something nice for valentine's day, something that shows her how much she means to me, because I'm really starting to fall for her.

Her favorite anime is Yu-Gi-Oh and her favorite monster card is The Dark Magician Girl, so I'm thinking of getting her this.

 

 Yes, it can be seen as a bit of a perverted gift. But she talked to me the other day about how much she wanted this figurine in her collection because she has a collection of Dark Magician Girl figurines and is missing this one.

I'm gonna go order it now.
I hope she'll like it (◕‿◕✿)

A date

It has been a while since the medival anime setting kicked in, so existence has become much more tolerable. I decided to go on another date with Vanya. Me seeing everything in a different style wasn't really a hindrance. We went to the park, since I figured that it be nice to have picnic together.

But eventually something slipped off my tongue.

"You look cute as an anime character" I said.

"Huh?"

After a while of trying to make up excuses, I figured the best course of action would be to come clean. I told her everything that had happened lately.

Afterwards I expected her to run off or call me crazy, but she didn't. She looked down, with a sad look on her face and said: "So she got to you too?"

She explained that the circus lady was the source of this and its effect is different on each person, although she wouldn't tell me what the circus lady was letting her see.

"It's called The Reverie, its a fear"

"Fear?"

"Yes, basically eldritch abominations that personify our fears"

"How do you know that?"

"One of the fears, a different one told me it...EAT"

I was gonna question what EAT was, but I figured I could save that for another time. She suddenly burst into tears, clenching her fists on her white thigh highs that I didn't notice until now.

"I don't want to die" she exclaimed.

She then proceeded to hug me. I hugged her back and stroked her pretty black hair in order to try to comfort her.

"You won't die. I'll make sure of it, I promise" I said.

At least I'm no longer alone in this.

Why was I born?

I've gotten to the point where I just want to bleed out and make this go away. Again it would be fine if it was just different visuals, but the monsters and such are getting to me.

There was this fox thing again, only this time it was a bit smaller, but still pretty big. It looked adorable, but I'm guessing that was only there to deceive me.

Yeah it kind of looked like Kiara from Inuyasha, but only with one tail and different color scheme(red brown). Imagine having to slaughter a bunch of these cute things. Its...its making me anxious, its freaking me out.

I don't want to live like this, I just want to die. The circus girl from before keeps taunting me, reminding me at what I'm doing. That I'm a horrible person.

Am I a horrible person?

What else was I supposed to do? Let them kill me?
I've tried that.

They never kill me, they just bring about pain adding to this hell. I feel like killing them at least...spares me that.

You know?

I don't know what to do anymore. I just wanna die, but I can't.

I can't die.

Actually, I don't wish to die.

I wish I was never born.

Freaking out

Everything is in anime style now and has been so for several days O_O. It flickers between the medival setting and just my modern Belgian town. It's why I've barely updated since new years. I keep seeing this circus girl everywhere. Since I like things to be visual I went on google image and tried to find a picture that looked similar to her.

Yeah, she kind of looks like that, minus the gun...I hope x.x
She keeps taunting and laughing at me and its freaking me out to be honest. I'm not sure what is happening. I can deal with my modern life to be an anime, its strange but I could adjust but...the medival thing. I have to battle a variety of monsters and its getting harder and harder.

Is this some kind of hallucination. Is it a brain tumor? What is it? X_X

HELP!
I am at my breaking point here QnQ

Happy New Year!

Well 2013 is off to an odd start o.O You know how the other day I got like this flash of being in an anime world? Well I've sort of spent all day like that, before it finally turning back to normal a few hours ago o.o

It started when I woke up and everything was, anime like. But it wasn't even like everything just switched viewpoint styles. I could have dealt with that, but it was like I literally entered a medival anime or something.

I woke up in like a hut or something, with like a fox thing outside waiting for me. When I say fox thing, I mean giant fox thing.

I assumed kind of that I was dreaming or hallucinating, but I could touch it and everything felt real. My katana was on the wall of the hut, which I took down and went on top of the fox.

Then I sort of blacked out, I came to for bits and bits at the time and most of the time I was battling some kind of monsters.

I then woke up, in my house on the floor o.o''

I'm not sure if this was real or not, but...it felt real.

It felt really real.

I'm freaked out guys!

I'm gonna go lay down, I leave you with another Touhou music video.